Headaches

France's patron Saint Denis was beheaded on Martyrs' Hill - Montmartre. Being a saint, he then picked up his head and walked for two miles, preaching a sermon all the way. Some vicars just don't know when to stop. Denis' headless walk posed a problem for medieval artists: where to put the halo? Some had Denis carry his halo in his free hand, while others put the halo where his head used to be. Neither solution looked very dignified. After the Black Death in 1348, the church set up The Fourteen Holy Helpers, a spiritual A-Team for times of plague. Each saint could be appealed to for a different ailment. Appropriately, or in rather poor taste, depending on your point of view, Denis got 'headaches.'

The Basilica of Saint Denis was founded on the spot where Denis finally shut up and dropped down dead. It became the burial site of almost all the French monarchs, including Pippin the Fearsome, Charles the Bald, Louis VII and Catherine de Medici. During the Revolution, all the royal tombs were opened and the bones were thrown higgledy-piggledy (no, I don't know what the French is for 'higgledy-piggledy') into a nearby pit. In 1815, (the Napoloeon thing didn't work out,) France decided to be a monarchy again and the poor kings (and queens) were dug up again. However, due to the higgledy-piggledy nature of their second burial, the bones couldn't be identified.

The new king Louis XVIII was anxious not to create a Pippin VII or a Catherine the Bald, for fear it would bring the Monarchy into disrepute, so it was decided to re-bury all the remains, still higgledy-piggledy in the St Denis Basilica. They're still there today, still mixed-up, and finally enjoying some P & Q. By the way, I've just found higgledy-piggledy and, disappointingly, it's pêle-mêle. No poetry, the French.

La Résidence - THE French Property People

Ah, Paris...

Ah, Paris... What can one say about Paris that hasn't already been said before? Let's give it a go.
Paris' Latin motto is "Fluctuat nec mergitur", which means "Tossed by the waves, she does not sink." This seems a pretty safe bet for a city 184 miles from the nearest sea. Unless, of course, the author of the motto was the 16th century sage and clairvoyant Nostradamus who knew something we don't about global warming.

In what is, we believe, a true Catch-22 situation, Paris' Roman antiquities are now under threat from the very organisation set up to preserve them. The National Institute of Preventive Archaeological Research was built on the site of the Roman city of Lutetia, and in recent years, they have unearthed Roman baths, bronze chains (for the plug?) ceramics and, quaintly, drawer-handles. I imagine archaeologists of the year 4,000 will find similar artefacts when they excavate on an Ikea site. Frustratingly, the Institute can't house the artefacts they'e found unless they expand their premises - and to do so will obliterate the rest of Lutetia. "Why don't they just move the Institute?" I hear you ask. Go on then, you ask them. They won't listen to us.

La Résidence - THE French Property People

Les hieroglyphs pour les nuls

Astérix & Cléopâtre (1968) - Les Egyptiens parlaient comme ça
La Résidence - THE French Property People

Football, squid and omelettes

Besançon is the capital of Franche-Comté, and its 4th division football club is bizarrely called Besançon Racing Club. This may explain why it plays in the 4th division. Besançon is famous for producing status-symbol quartz watches and automatic ticketing machines for airport car parks. Think of Besançon next time you reach uncomfortably from your car window and drop your ticket in a puddle. The city's famous sons include the Lumière brothers (see our Provence blog,) Victor Hugo and Raymond Blanc.

Victor Hugo is best known for writing Les Miserables and The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which, as a stage musical and a Disney film, have gone on to generate millions in theatre revenue and sales of cuddly hunchback toys. Hugo also enjoyed merchandise spin-off success in his own lifetime, with the publication of Toilers of the Sea. Until his sea-creature novel came out, most French believed that the squid was a mythical beast. Thanks to Victor, Paris was gripped by squid fever and the 1866 Society Season was a-slither with squid parties, squid exhibitions, squid dishes and squid hats.

Raymond Blanc probably knows what to do with a squid. Disappointingly though, he came last in the Omelette Challenge in BBC's Saturday Kitchen. Blanc dithered for minutes over his omelette, whilst Jun Tanaka had his on-the-plate and covered in ketchup in just 17 seconds. The 1994 Japanese attempt at world's largest omelette probably took even longer to cook than Blanc's. The Japanese chefs then had to eat the 160,000-egg omelette whilst live hamsters were inserted in their underpants. Probably.

La Résidence - THE French Property People

Saint Columbanus in Franche-Comté

Franche-Comté means "free county", and used to be the Free County of Burgundy, to distinguish it from The Duchy of Burgundy next door. If I understand correctly (which is always debatable,) the rulers of Burgundy found it useful to divide the kingdom whenever they had two sons, so each could have a bit. The name Franche-Comté first appears in 1366, and the region has so far resisted proposals by Norman (see our Centre blog) to re-name it The Bit Near Switzerland Half Way Up The Right Hand Side.

The region was christianised in the sixth century by St Colombanus. Columbanus was an Irishman and was born in Nobber, County Meath. It may even have been Columbanus himself who composed "I love Nobber in the Springtime" and "Nobber, Nobber, it's a Wonderful Town". He was ridiculously good-looking ('Colum Ban' means 'handsome Colum',) and his perfect bone-structure exposed him daily to the shameless advances of local women. Columbanus sought advice from a "religious woman", who must have been truly religious, because, rather than recommending regular weekly counselling sessions, she told him to flee from almost-certain temptation and take the Holy Word to Franche-Comté. He did so, and today you can visit Luxeuil Abbey, which he founded in 590. Many miracles are attributed to Columbanus, including persuading a bear to excavate his cave. Quite how he persuaded the bear is not recorded. Of course, it may have been a female bear, in which case, she probably offered to lay his patio as well.


La Résidence - THE French Property People

caveat emptor...

... another cautionary cartoon from Perry Taylor

 

La Résidence - THE French Property People

Optimism in Champagne-Ardennes

In the cathedral at Troyes, Louis the Stammerer (see our Alsace blogs) was sworn in as Emperor in 878. The ceremony took longer than expected. Today, Troyes is home to the Lacoste © brand. Created by 1920's French tennis star René Lacoste, the famous shirts were marketed in the US as "The status symbol of the competent sportsman". In the UK, the slogan was "Never mind, Tim, at least they'll keep you warm". The stunning medieval city of Troyes is twinned with Chesterfield in the UK, which has the edge, at least where sofas are concerned.

Troyes was the birthplace of Émile Coué, pharmacist and hypnotist, remembered for "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better", which he did, until his death in 1926. Coué advocated optimistic autosuggestion, by which, "Any idea exclusively occupying the mind turns into reality." I'm therefore concentrating exclusively on the thought that these articles are getting better. If Coué was right, they will. The same can work for you too - these blogs will SEEM to be getting better. Just believe.

La Résidence - THE French Property People