Rhône-Alpes for beginners - 2

Grenoble is the second largest city in Rhône-Alpes. It is surrounded by mountains and is famous for its walnuts. Did you know that walnut shells are used in the manufacture of dynamite? We didn't.

To the north of Grenoble is Chartreuse, where the monks make their famous liqueur. They were given a recipe for an "elixir of life" in 1605 and immediately set about finding the 130 necessary herbs. After the revolution in 1793, the monks were expelled from France. Several years later, someone noticed that they'd run out of liqueur and invited the monks back. Never a people to learn from their mistakes, the French expelled the monks again in 1903. This time, they attempted to make the liqueur themselves, without the help of monastical know-how. Disaster. The taste-alike Chartreuse sold like cold cakes and the only solution was to invite the ever-forgiving monks back again. Not the original monks, you understand, new ones.

The other principal towns of the region are Chambéry and Valence. Chambéry is famous for its Fontaine des Éléphants or Fountain of Elephants (you'd better go and see for yourself.) Valence was ravaged in the fifth century by Alans and other barbarians. Valence is twinned with Clacton-on-Sea which, itself, is frequently ravaged by Alans and, occasionally, Grahams. 


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Rhône-Alpes for beginners - 1

The Rhône-Alpes region stretches from the river Rhône to the Alps. With us so far? It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter and they have some mountains, but then you probably knew that. What you may not know is that Danish artist Marco Evaristti was arrested last year whilst attempting to paint the peak of Mont Blanc red, and that twenty Swiss hot-tub enthusiasts successfully constructed and used a jacuzzi on the summit (there are pictures on the net if you really want to see.)

Rhône-Alpes is known in Franco-Proveçal as Rôno-Arpes and in Occitan as Ròse Aups, but since the last remaining speakers of Franco-Proveçal and Occitan are both over 100, you can probably get away without knowing that in most day-to-day situations.

The capital of Rhône-Alpes is France's third largest city Lyon. (We spell it Lyons, possibly through confusion with the tea-rooms.) Lyon's international airport is named after the writer and pilot Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, who hasn't been seen since he took off in his monoplane in 1944. Some consider this naming unfortunate for an airport - like "Titanic Cruises" or "The John Prescott Diet".

Which brings us on to food. When in Lyon you should eat at one of the local restaurants called bouchons (French for corks or stoppers.) The highlight of Lyonnaise cuisine is a sort of meat dumpling called the quenelle. Some experts suggest that the name comes from the Anglo-Saxon knyll, meaning 'to grind', though "Quenelle" may simply be what the Anglo-Saxons said when they first tasted one.

Lyon is the headquarters of Interpol. Famous Interpol agents include Thompson and Thomson from Tintin, Natalie Imbruglia's character from Johnny English and Inspector Gadget - which is reassuring.


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French railway station announcements

If you're thinking of traveling by train in France this summer, be sure to pay careful attention to the Tanoy announcements...

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Provence for Dummies (Provence pour les nuls) - 2

Also near Marseilles is La Ciotat, whose station has a special place in cinema history. In 1895 the Lumière brothers premièred the world's first motion picture, their 52-second epic 'Train Entering La Ciotat Station'. Sadly the two sequels 'Feuilles Sur La Ligne' and 'Action Industrielle' were panned by the critics.

The fashionable resort of Nice was named 'Nike' by the Greeks, after the goddess of child labour. Nice's famous Promenade des Anglais was built in the 18th century. English tourists wintering in Nice took pity on the town's unemployed and encouraged them to make themselves useful by building a new promenade. Finally the English could walk along the seafront without ruining their spats.

The Alps of Provence are home to the marmot, a 5kg mountaineering hamster, which wards off predators by chattering its teeth. Must try that. Marmots hibernate for nine months of the year and seal their burrow with faeces. Marmots are an endangered species because they're so slow at breeding. Your love-life would probably suffer too if your front door was sealed with faeces.

The Camargue is home to Europe's most virulent mosquito. Only the female bites and she can lay eggs every three days if she gets enough blood. The non-biting male is notable for his conspicuous external genitalia. What a family!

Provence's regional apéritif 'pastis' wasn't invented until 1915, when the authorities banned absinthe because of its alleged psychoactive effects. Oscar Wilde described the feeling, after drinking absinthe, of having tulips on his legs. I think I'll have a pastis.

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Provence for Dummies (Provence pour les nuls) - 1

Provence is the sunny bit at the bottom of France. There's a seaside bit (the Côte d'Azur,) a marshy bit (the Camargue) and a hilly bit (the Alps.) 

The earliest known settlement is a neolithic site from 6,000 BC located near Marseille's railway station, which shows just how advanced they were. The Greeks established Massalia as an 'emporium' (Cash 'n' Carry.) Next up were the Romans, who found the region such a pleasant holiday destination that they called it 'Our Province.' The Romans stayed for 300 years, during which time they built many ruins. In 275 AD Germanic tribes invaded Provence and have been doing so ever since.

Marseille is France's second city and joins 'New York, New York' and 'I Left my Heart in San Francisco' in having a song named after it. Actually La Marseillaise was written by a citizen of Strasbourg and sung in Paris by revolutionaries from Marseille who'd heard it sung there by a man from Montpellier. So the title of France's national anthem just means 'That song those blokes from Marseilles sing.' 

Near Marseilles is the Museum of the French Foreign Legion at Aubagne. The Legion owes its legendary status to its brave stand at the Battle of Camerone (Mexico 1863.) An expeditionary force led by Capitaine Danjou finally surrendered to the Mexican Army when they'd been whittled down to the last two Legionnaires. Capitaine Danjou himself died in the battle and his trademark wooden hand was stolen. The Mexicans later returned it to the museum, where it is paraded annually on Camerone Day. A parade not to miss, I think. 

À suivre...

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Bill Wyman, c'est génial!

Je suis un rock star

Je avais un residence

Je habiter la

A la South of France...

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